Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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