I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
