Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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