We won't sleep together?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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