Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
