I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
