ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
