She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
