yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
