the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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