woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
