he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
