Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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