Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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