Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
