I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
