Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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