You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
