Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize