oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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