I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
