Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize