he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
