I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
