My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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