Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
