ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
