3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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