I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
