just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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