So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
