I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I didn't notice because vodka
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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