there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
