my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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