dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
