Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
