Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
