College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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