I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
