you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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