that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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