Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
