So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
