a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
