are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
