she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
