Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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