I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Who put my cat in the fridge?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
