It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize