honey bunches of taint.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
