OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
