just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
