sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize