Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
