With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
