Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
