Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
