I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
