What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
