I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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