the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
