thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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