she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
