Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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