I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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