my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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