I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
